Right now I’m thinking, “Eh, what’s a better word than diary? ”
This is how I think now, and if your reading this, than I’ll bet you can relate.
It’s pretty much midnight in Utah, and i’m looking at my plants, contemplating life. I had this idea that should blog about my cigarette and tobacco addiction and hopefully it will keep me more accountable.
Ah this is making me look back,
I kind of picked it up with the guys I worked when I started driving the Zamboni a couple years ago. They’ve been awesome friends and I learn a lot by watching them, but we all ran rampant for cigarettes if i’m to be honest. Hey, at least I smoked the American Spirits. Man I love those bad boys!
But yeah, there were times when I smoked less and times when I smoked more. It kind of depended on the seasons and my routine. Truthfully, I slowly began smoking more each year.
It’s no mystery why it become worse; because it soothed my anxiety. Let’s be honest, smoking is soothing, and the smoke breaks kind of become the little highlights that we measure the day by. Of course, I’m a full accountability smoker. I know how awful it is. I know what I risk. People really think I’m so stupid cause I’d rather smoke. But I’m very candid with people when I talk about it. I always admit that I hate smoking. I hate the habit. I hate how icky it can make me feel. I hate that I do it.
Lately, it hasn’t been as bad as I talk about it though. I’ve quit before, for decent amounts of time and in different ways. What I’ve learned (at least for myself), is that its easier to quit for longer when I tapered down over time rather than quitting cold turkey. I’ve tried a few methods before, but I’ve had the best luck with nicotine pouches.
The times I quit for the longest was when I’d actually just decide to stop because I wanted to. And at some point the anxiety always came back and those little devils were in my pocket again.
Now, I’ve gone almost a few weeks without buying cigarettes. Between nicotine pouches and bumming cigs here and there, this has felt like the best way to be quitting. I have kind of hated cigarettes for enough time now that it feels like I’m deciding to stop. It’s becoming easier to do, because the recent events in my life have already been pushing me to a different version of Erik, which I’ve woefully stepped up to.
Well now that I’ve talked about cigarettes enough, I think this blog sets the context for whatever epiphany I have about cigarettes for the next one.
From me to anybody who as an addiction (which is everybody),
…good luck with yours.