I miss you every day Megan. I think about you so often. I still cry that you went. Megan, I’ve been up and down. I imagine what it must of been like. I don’t have to imagine very hard, I’m not that different from you.

I feel sorry that I didn’t do something more. I can’t blame myself. I think I did the best I could. Either way Megan, I’m sorry.

I’m also not sorry, because in some way, I’m happy that you received the sweet relief of death. It must have been sweet. I imagine death must be the pinnacle of life. The final chapter. The finale.

What was it like? I think you must have gone out with a smile on your face. This is all fantasy. All conjecture, but it’s too tempting not to think about. I always imaged you there with your sweet smile. Maybe crying sweat tears of joy because it’s been the greatest life. The ultimate experience. And now you are there, wrapping it up, looking back and maybe seeing the greatest moments flash before your eyes.

Where are you now Megan? I imagine your back with our Mother Nature. I think you’re in the sky, in the clouds, the wind, the trees, and the leaves. I feel all those things. The seasons are changing now, and as the forces of life pull me one direction, I can feel the forces of nature pull the opposite way. That is where I think you are.

Losing you was hard. Megan, sometimes I’m afraid that I’ll meet the same fate. When I feel that way, all I could think about is you.
“What would Megan say?”
“What would Megan want for you Erik?”

There’s a seed there. I’m still learning to nurture it. I’m still learning how plant it. It feels like a race against time though. Whatever is there to turn Megan, I have to do it so soon!

Megan, I have this altar. I sit in front of the altar every day for sadhana. Only the most precious items belong to the altar. It’s the most sacred space I have. I have your picture there. The one from your funeral. I see your face every day. You were so kind, and so sweet Megan. I lost such a precious soul. I miss you!

One time I asked Megan,
“What is soul satisfying?”

“People laughing so hard that they’re in pain. Beautiful new nature experiences. The excitement of cultivating new friendships. I get really excited when I see an animal. Especially horses.”

Please give kind regards to my Tio Moro. You both had the kindest quality.
I Love You
I Miss You
Rest in Kindness
Rest in Awareness

Erik H.

Read my earlier blog that Megan helped me write. We were in the middle of a semester at school and she helped me by being the subject of my blog.