An Attentive Heart

I often write personal stories on my blog. This one has been swimming around in my head for days. It needs to be here, not burried away in my mind. This is a story about service and grace.

Last week was a survival week. Loved ones read my blog, so I don’t think I need to spill the details. I don’t want them to worry, but the truth is that they should have been worried. I was worried. I take care if myself pretty damn well. I’ve seen some very bleak nights, but last week, I was genuinely worried for myself.

There was a certain day last week. People were talking to me but I didnt respond because I wasn’t really there. I was somewhere else really far away. I forgot how to be human for a day. I had to reach out for help that night. It was an exhausting time.

You’ve had those days right? The day after is the second part of the whole experience. It’s not easy. It’s trying to travel back the whole distance that you travel the day before.

This blog is about what happened afterwards. For me it was touching, and I’ve been going back to it in times of need.

My spirits were so low. Color faded and my vision was black and white. Somebody called me that evening. Somebody who I know from school.

“Erik, let’s go to the symphony tonight,”

I dont think those were her exact words, but that’s what I heard from that call. The Utah Symphony was playing at our school that night. I couldn’t believe it. I’ve always loved the symphony. I needed somebody to help pick me up. Desperately. And this Angel, who I happen to know is a very busy bee, reached out to me at exactly the right time. I needed somebody. I needed something. Anything really. It was this person and the symphony.

We went, and I’m not brave enough to try and describe the magnificence, beauty, and blessing that we witnessed that night. Yes, I cried. To go from the abbys and then be sitting in front on what sounded like God’s own presence, brought me to tender tears.

I felt relief. I had been desperate and seeking even a small moment of relief. Desperately! I couldn’t believe it. I felt better. I felt gracious. I felt okay. So I cried. The music was so beautiful! I was just so gracious for somebody to have reached out to help me back on my feet for a moment. And it was to the symphony! My heart was full and I felt more small and humble than I have in a while. It was peaceful.

I thanked her as sincerely and appropriately as I know how to. I didn’t tell her what happened to me in those 24 hours. But how did she know to call? I needed help so earnestly. How did she know?? We dont hang out often. We hang out seldomnly. But every time we do, it leaves a mark on me. Because… This human has a heart made of pure gold and the kindness of Samaritan.

Thank you more than you could ever know and more than I could ever say… You did a great service.

Erik H.

Blog photo is Howard Fulmner by John Brown, taken at the UVU Noorda Center

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